Fridays are hard....

I'm learning quickly that Fridays are hard on our family. The range of emotions I'm feeling is exhausting. 

It starts with being stressed about packing lunches for the littles for visitation, then new diapers/potty run (and of course one chooses that's the perfect time to poop!), then loading four kids in the car (Parker was loosing it because I just ran out of time to put socks and shoes on him), driving crazy (but safely of course) to get to the appointment on time! 

Then it's a rush of happiness as I see Little Miss' reaction to seeing mom. And seeing mom tear up seeing her babies. And mom's appreciation for what we're doing blesses me so much. 

Then it's the quiet ride home missing two kids. And I'm sad we're missing half of our crazy. 

Today was the first time I noticed Luke getting really emotional about it himself.  As we were pulling out of the parking lot Luke said, "Mom, I really miss my sister." I look in the mirror at him to see him wiping tears from his eyes. I explained we would be back to get them in a little bit. But also took this time to explain our goal of reunification. How do you explain that to a 4 year old?! I'm not going to give him details about why mom can't have her own kids.  So I just say "Sometimes mommies and daddies aren't able to take care of their kids. It's not a safe place or they're sick. So CPS (that's another difficult one to explain) puts kids in a safe place until their home is safe again." Slowly hitting him he asks, "So then they'll be gone forever?!?" And I lost it. And had to break my kids heart and say "Yes. If their mommy gets better." 

It's one thing for me to have all these emotions, but to see my 4 year old start to understand and feel the emotions...it's hard for this momma's heart. I know the Lord has called us to this. And I know He knew how it would effect my kids. It's still hard to see your kid cry over his "sister". 

We are excited as the holidays quickly approach. And we get to share the littles with our family (we haven't been able to send pictures). We are also a tad apprehensive as we plan and pack for our first road trip as a family of 6 in an explorer. Jonathan is a little more excited that our car now screams "Griswold family vacation"... 

Wave and honk if you see us... I'll be the one with the really big hat, scarf and sunglasses....