Trusting

Jonathan and I hear the Lord saying, "trust Me" these days. That's a common Christianese term that I throw out there easily. People hear our story for the first time and I throw in a "Oh we're just trusting the Lord!" like it's no big deal. It is a big deal. 

Today after lunch I was wiping Little Miss' hands and noticed this...

Lots of little splinters that we had somehow missed seeing. Ugh not exactly what I wanted to worry about right before nap time. I wanted my "me time". I got the needle, tweezers and a wipe and started at it. Some were more infected than others. I would get pieces out that were towards the top with ease. It was the part that was deeper that made her squirm. 

She was growing impatient and asked "Do you have to do this?" I answered, "Yes I do or it will get more infected. Do you trust me?" Her innocent 3 year old answer, "Yes." It was easy for her to trust me when it didn't hurt. It may be an inconvenience to her but it didn't really hurt. It was when I got to the deeper part that the tears began to come. "Katy it hurts!" And I responded, "I know baby. I'm so sorry. I don't like hurting you. Do you trust me?" And she cried, "I don't want to!"

That's when we both started crying. Oh I know exactly how she felt. Sure God, I'll take in three extra kids. It's kind of an inconvenience, but I trust You no big deal. And when we're past that sweet honeymoon stage and our days and weeks start filling up with things that aren't easy, and I'm screaming on the inside because she is intentionally peeing in her diaper, and Little Man is screaming at the top of his lungs, and Baby Sister is fussing and wanting to be held....the Lord whispers "Do you trust Me?" And I yell back, "I don't want to!" 

There are things that the Lord is purifying in me. He's digging deeper into the wound to prevent infection. And as a parent, I know I have to inflict pain to get splinters out because it must be done. The pain now will be worth it compared to the pain that would come if I let it fester. This was such a sweet lesson the Lord allowed me to see today. He isn't throwing three extra children at me to watch me suffer and to cause pain. He is giving me the privilege of three extra children as a tool to mold me, to dig out impurities and to show areas I need to surrender to Him because He loves me and knows what is in my best interest!

So now when the days drag on and are clouded by so much uncertainty and He asks, "Do you trust Me?" I will answer, "I don't really want to because it hurts. But I know You are trustworthy and faithful. Help me to trust You." What a compassionate and kind Heavenly Father we have.