Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Crazy time has arrived!

The day we were verified to become foster to adopt parents I had been a tornado of anxiety! The nursery wasn't completely decorated! How could I bring a baby in there without decorations on the wall?! We got the baby car seat down from the attic. I got bottles down to wash. I had so many projects I wanted to complete. And then sat on the edge of my seat looking at my phone ready to get the call.

A few days later I got a phone call with an Abilene area code and about had a heart attack. Turns out it was our new case manager wanting to set up a meeting to meet us and the boys and see our home. We set it up for later that week and my heart rate slowed back down. Later that week I went to my women's Bible study. They were asking about the latest and I shared my funny story about the panic attack phone call. And then phone rang again with an Abilene number and again I had another heart attack. False alarm... again. Our case manager needed to change the time for our meeting. Sheesh! I had a hard time concentrating that morning at Bible study!

On Thursday, almost two weeks after we had been verified, Parker and I were on our way to run errands after dropping Luke off at school. I prayed as I was driving, "Lord, I'm not good at this patiently waiting thing. It's really stressing me out worrying about the phone ringing. I'm giving this to you. You know how much I like to plan and be in control so please pry it out of my hands if you have to. It's Yours." My boys were also getting ready for their annual Mitchell boys camp out later that week. And to, you know, help the Lord out... I reminded him that the boys would be gone a whole weekend and it would be a great time to get a baby. I could have one on one time figuring out schedules, baby could have time to adjust, and we'd have a slow merge into crazy town. Of course I added a "but whatever You think Lord..." to the end. 

My boys left Friday after lunch and I began to move things over to my neighbors garage for their garage sale. (God's hand moment: I was going to have a garage sale while the boys were gone, then didn't feel comfortable doing it by myself without Jonathan here. Found out my neighbors were already having one that same weekend and they let me add some stuff.)

Probably 2 hours after they left I got a phone call. And I thought, "This is it!" A case manager told me they had a sibling group that needed to be moved. Keep in mind our paperwork said "one child, 0-1 yrs" Neither of these kiddos fit into that age range. I called Jonathan to see what we should do. He said, "Let's do it!" And after having a small panic attack I made the call and it was settled. I had not one but two little ones coming. So what was the first thing I did? I called my mom totally freaking out. She couldn't even understand what I was saying because I was crying so much. And then she asked the thing that great moms ask, "Do you need me to come?" And not wanting to scream "Yes! Are you not in the car already?!?" I said, "Well I don't want you to have to cancel any plans...." She answered, "If you need me to come I'll come." And then I wrapped my head around it again and said, "Yea... I'm kinda freaking out. If you can come that would be great." She made some phone calls, threw clothes in a bag and was on her way. (God's hand moment: my dad was flying in to Dallas that afternoon and it worked out where she picked him up and they both came out to help!)

After I got off the phone with my mom I started to run around cleaning my house. It was a tornado because I was going to clean while my boys were gone...with no children to get in my way. Ha! I told a few friends what was happening and they immediately went into action. One called to see if I wanted a drink from Chickfila then when she found out I had forgotten to eat lunch she brought me food. She also took the rest of the bottles to wash at her house so I could keep cleaning. One cried and freaked out with me then had a conversation with the Lord about our crazy town that I had not been able to get to yet. She prayed for these kids coming into my home, she prayed for my boys away on a trip and through the Lord speaking to her...she reminded me that the Lord was in control and He would provide for our new family of six. One made diaper and wipe bags for them because I was about to have 3 in diapers. She also bought some girl clothes because I don't have any of that. We are so truly blessed by the friendships the Lord has given us. To have an incredible support group like this makes it a little easier to wrap our head around 4 kids under 4!

The Lord is funny. He knew that I would have been a little too confident in my own flesh with just one child fitting perfectly into our little specifications we set. As crazy as this time with four kids has been I am truly grateful that He has blessed us with this burden. A constant reminder to throw myself down at the foot of the cross and say "I can't Lord... but I know You can." Everywhere I look I see His hand all in it! 

The boys came home from their weekend away and have slowly adjusted. It didn't take long before they were playing and fighting like siblings! They have really done so well with this change and haven't complained once. 

I am constantly doing laundry and dishes. And hardly have time to sit down! But I am going to take advantage of the time I have with these kids. And I'm going to love them, nurture them and point them to the cross. We would appreciate your prayers as we continue to adjust. The car situation is definitely a little tricky. We call all fit in our Explorer, but that leaves no room for a stroller. We did just go on Luke's field trip and Jonathan took off of work to help me with four kids at a farm! He's been an incredible help and support!!  



Friday, October 11, 2013

Our Life's About to get Crazy!

Our family is growing! After over a year of talking it over and praying we have decided to become foster parents.

just a little paperwork

You know when I was in high school I could see myself having a foster home and taking care of lots of kids. That kind of got pushed to the back when we had our boys. I was worried that if we ever decided to do that there was too much at chance. If you don't know me well I'm a bit of an OCD planner... The idea of taking a child in and loving them like one of my own kids and then have them return home crushed me. So I started worrying about the opposite. Would I not allow myself to go "all in" loving another child to prevent heartbreak? I actually remember having a conversation with Jonathan's sister after they had decided to become foster to adopt parents. I said one of the things you're apparently not supposed to say to someone in that situation..."Oh I could never do that!"

The Lord has a funny way of working things out when we say we'll "never" do something. You should also know that we had been discussing for over a year that we would start "trying" for another baby Fall 2013. Jonathan came to me one day and said, "I think we should consider foster to adopt instead of having a baby." What?! Did you not hear me say never?! I began to whine express my frustration about not having a baby of our own. I told him I would pray about it but the Lord was going to have to change my heart about being pregnant.

It didn't even take a week and I was over it. The Lord had changed my selfish heart and given me a heart for the babies that were in Abilene who needed a Mommy. Jonathan and I have become very convicted in our preparations that we aren't promised tomorrow with Luke or Parker. Just because they are our biological kids doesn't mean the Lord will give us another tomorrow with them. It's made us intentional about praying over our kids. Giving them over to the Lord because they aren't ours they're His. And He chose to bless US with the privilege of pointing them back to Jesus. That's changed our mindset with fostering to adopt. We are to be intentional with whoever comes into our house. It is our responsibility to share the love, grace and salvation of Jesus.

You know what I've learned in this whole process? I can't do it. Not in my own strength or flesh. Not even close. This will probably be the hardest thing we've ever done and I'm so grateful for it because it will constantly push us to the foot of the cross. I know we will probably have heartache but I know God is in control and we can rest in His sovereignty.

This has already been so stressful for me! So I like to plan...how do you plan for a child that you don't know the gender, age or size of?! Or when they're coming?! I think the Lord's preparing me for a long road of unknowns and un-plannable situations. I'm so excited about having a baby in our home and I'm so nervous! We were verified this afternoon. So we're in the system and just waiting for a phone call. On the way out of the office I told Jonathan that I have been nervous all day! He asked why and I just told him, "Our water is about to break. And it could be anytime!!!" He got a laugh out of that. 

But seriously, thank you to our friends and family who have shown so much support and encouragement in this. From paperwork, references and praying over our future children. This process would be impossible without a good support system and we thank the Lord for you! Stay tuned for more crazy!